Well, yeah, nah, not sure All There
So I took my ear rings out for work. On a drill ship. A little while ago. It is an “office job”, sure, but still, accidents happen, even if the wellsite geologist [me] does not happen to be near moving machinery. When I return home the absence is mentioned, [and OH NO where did I put them!], and it was said that, Nah, who likes that stuff on a middle aged bloke now anyway? Hmm.
Looks like a bearded slightly more than hirsute middle aged bloke does not attract the other sex these days. Apparently. Hmm. Does that go for the middle age pot belly that can’t be dropped off with a pill too? I mean, I hated it twenty years ago as it started, but then, my older relatives have and had ones too. So there, I have to live with it. Hmph! Windsurfing or gym work does not remove it. [maybe I needed competition though].
Pondering on if I need another half these days. Nah. Selfishishly, sorry about that. Cos the girls are doing their bit around the house now too, see, when reminded, and with “no we are not getting a dog”.
time to discard
I look around my place; sure, the hundreds of SF novels I have, the thirty years of SF mags I treasure; the ancient Time-Life books of my childhood that my folks nearly threw out years ago [and now I am pondering on that too], the tech books, the empty Whisky Cartons [seet memories or not but Been There Did That sorta thing]; the spare parts in the shed I cannot bear to kick out; the wine making gear that has not been touched for a coupla years cos I have a new job [see above] that left me no time to keep the Portable Vineyard going. The hat stand with a hundred [?! no- a few] caps from years past, old jobs and the kids ones too.
There’s the boxes of brochures that Tarn kept from Adelaide, Melbourne, Scotland and England. Who is going to miss that? Her stuff, [minus her jewellery that some little bastard stole when I started the renewed career in the Oil Patch one day I was working. On the girls birthday party of all times, rrgh…], it sits there, maybe cos it reminds me of her, or I am too lazy and/or scared of chucking it all away.
Stacked away in the “study” there’s also the hundreds of small kiddy books, clean to soiled. It was also #2Son’s bedroom for a time when I had no live in help with the kids- not that I needed the help by then, [being the eldest of six means you learn to be a family oriented person after all!] Even a fifteen year old practically unused double doored refrigerator… The old PC’s and monitors and printers and scanners and radio-controlled boy toys. Under my bed is forty years of photos, shoes and stuff. Shoes…
Out in the garage, which would not fit an old Morris Mini Minor let alone a new sporty small car, a garage that has some vines outside and which fits inside- all the old collected mags; a bunch of college books; rock samples; tools, nails and screws, all collected for That One Day along with odd pieces of timber; old windsurf masts; gold panning gear [still in the bag]; wine making stuff… [these days, this garage would be a garden Shed for the Ride-On-Mower Only for sure, Not The Family Wagon when that was in there, you could only get out of the wagon by sliding sideways out the door, and on one side only!]
Where am I headed here? A book that started this blog off is “How Do You Talk To A Widower?” Little comments on/about/to Me the last few years that have percolated my slightly numbed and standoffish brain cell that has not been scarred by the MS that has started on it. So that means the Memory part of it is not affected much, just leaving tingly or numb feelings sporadically about the body with an occasional tiredness that leaves me with a messy life, of reading a lot at my leisure, that is interrupted rudely by a seldom but sudden motivation to line things up in an orderly way. Or sort thoughts and feelings and obligations and duties… Or thinking of A Big Dumpster that can be rented for a week or two to take all the memories away, to clear mind space and the property she persuaded me to buy for her- a little dolls house all of her own with kids and a money cow that flitted in and out by the week, who unscrewed tight jam jars too.
My office desk is littered with crap to be sorted. My email folders are overflowing with notes to me from people that I will not delete- it is a part of me on hardware- Dont Touch! With all the old hard drives and PCs and as above, there is enough rubbish to burn for a week. The Portable Vineyard that was going to be a “retirement interest” is now at the dump, only the pots and stakes left after fourteen years. A messy old family wagon that I mean to vacuum out and shine up for casual use. The Windsurfing Van. The shoebox sized rocket sports car [waiting for a speeding ticket].
My stuff. Stuff of the Twentieth and Twenty First Century, that one day might be viewed by people [my?! grandchildren] as a lot of junk or cool groovy shite.
Back to the book mentioned above. Weird. Never had blind dates set up. Never chased any girls
but at Alice last year it was different, shots of sneaking pecks on the cheek of the cute young chicks at the casino as I walked out of the bar slightly inebriated sure to be on CCTV!ooh yuck Possibilities examined, advisedly discarded. Was chased once- ended on a sad note, by me. the brochure of the people mover Moved me… Not lonely. Alone, with kids, and family; on the phone, [occasionally anyway.]. I think I need to be hunted or caught, my ego is small and probably not that attractive, like my interests, hobbies and life are not anynore. Ah well, that’s life boyo!
At the least, I reckon I have brought up four good kids, all needing prodding and kicks in the behind to get them motivated, but good none-the-less. And the taxman should be happy, the public aint supporting me anymore for food and shelter while I sorted some things out. My parents-in-law, looking in from without would be glad their girl’s and my Tarn’s kids are strong, tall, happy, healthy and loved. By me and many. My folk’s are especially amused by them all!
Life. You have to laugh at it, afterall, we are more bacteria than brain cells according to science!